Ult

I think I would crack any sooner. Whenever I want to push myself and perform, it always become another way round of how I wanted it to be. My morale, passion for Ult is just like being in a Roller Coaster, at a moment it went so high up and then within seconds, it plunge down like waterfalls. Going round and round, repeating route. I know there's ups and downs during any sport, but I just don't understand, always, &forever during crucial time, I failed to meet the expectations? I don't want to be at the top, I just want to make myself feel proud and yes, do at least to the satisfactory level. For so many months I've contributed, I see nothing. Frequently, I'd have the urge to quit forever, but I was told "Ult is a long term thing, not any 1 or 2 months you would see the results. Everyone progress at different pace, you'd make it one day, as long as you keep going" This that keep me going till now. But how long can it lasts, when there are so many times that I feel so dejected, discouraged, broke-down and cracked? People cracked, & they progress. But why does it seems that I'm still standing still while others are already on the running? It's so suffocating that I couldn't play, but yet it's another blessing as without me in the game, is another chance for a better player to contribute to the score. Just like today, I FREKAING DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO ME. was given chance to play, but got so lost in the game. (FOR GOODNESS SAKE, I played for almost 1year of Ult) I was benched for the whole game. I didn't give in my 100%, used shin, &morning as an excuse? Seriously, this is getting nowhere. I've never really voice out such a detailed feeling about Ult so publicly, &this time I'm really don't know how to anticipate the next move. Doing the talk just doesn't work, I will pull myself up no matter what and continue where my passion lies :\