I just want to say out how I feel.
Afterall, it's still my ranting ground here.
I will feel better after this, don't worry.
From every scene I'd seen and experience in my life, I'd learn to open my eyes big enough and make sure I don't fall in headfirst into something which I have never trusted - love.
Everytime I fall in love, it always became a tragedy in the end. It's always either I'm not for him or he is not for me. After every failure in love or a r/s, it's a turning point for me. I'd learnt my lesson and remind myself not to make history repeats.
1 or 2 years ago, I was madly in 'love' with a guy,
I'm always the one who gave in to his timing, the good girlfriend that listened to every words he said ; I became so superficial because of him - I walked the way he wants, be the girl he expected. I try to be 'nice' in front of him, and not really what I'm. I'm never myself when I'm with him. Perhaps, it's merely a physical attraction between both of us.
That is not love, but it had completely changed the way I think about love and how I approached it.
When things didn't work out, we walk apart. Leaving me alone to pick up the shattered pieces he'd caused. It was the biggest turning point in my love life, from then on, I've never wanted to commit myself into a relationship, because I'm afraid that history would repeats.
So I tend to step backwards and never tries to give in to anything. Yes, I want to fall in love but I never want to get hurt. Who wants it? Perhaps, this have became a habit to me. Determined to have my own way, always expecting the other party to give in. So maybe I wouldn't be so hurt when things won't work out. I'll just let it brush pass and forgo it.
In a r/s, both have to give in and understand each other well. Even if both are far apart or even years without seeing each other, there will still be love - if it is strong at the first place.
I once read up a web and it says, " Love can withstand everything, even if a small crushes on others struck upon, it won't do any harm to a strong-bonded love " and I strongly agree. During a long dragging romance, one turn to sway away, be it - lust or love for others. If the love is strong enough, it will be back. So I think ours, is not.
You blamed me for not giving in. I regretted and repent my wrongdoings, but you'd never wanted to give me a chance. You ruined everything by pushing me away. From then on, I sweared to myself that I wanted to do nothing with you anymore. Everything is so peaceful til you break the silence 2 days ago. Are you expecting nothing or are you up to make me miserable? So sorry - I always assume, you made me to.
To make yourself feel better, to get something off your chest. You build your happiness on my sorrows. You said you WAS , but because I stated that we could only be merely friends? So you avoided me? You push the blame to me, how about you? Didn't you said those words too? We're just friends, friends friends? It's wrong for us...
Isn't it obvious that I'd reciprocated your fondness that time? So funny that our pride pull us down, doubting each other's love. So funny, so funny funny funny funny ! that both of us lied to protect our prides and it leads us to what we've become now. If either one of us took the step first, what would we become now?
I know there's so many other factor stopping us during that time, i thought both of us could withstand everything. But you couldn't. I thought as long as we enjoyed, we don't have to care much about other factors. So I didn't said much about our problems. You could tell me to give in, but you did not. You chose to put a stop to it, and left. Because I am no longer the one you fond of ? Maybe, I'm not the one for you. So be it - I can do nothing. When I heard what you did in G.P, I find it very disgusting, very disgusting, very very very disgusting! You took love so easily, and forgo the other one like a lightning. Oh, I've forgotten, flings come to you. So why not right? I bet you're enjoying now. Play all you can then! Enjoy to the fullest, sincerely.
Goooooooooooodbye.
